Part of the reason.......

Why I'm doing this is because over the course of several years, I've gone from having supervised visitation because of a cocaine use and have now gained 50% shared physical custody of my chidlren. I ahven't done this alone but have a great amount of help and support.

Cocaine is something that I've struggled with since my late teen years. I've managed to go many years without using but Cruella, from the beginning initiation of wanting a seperation and divorce, always threw it back in my face that I was just a f*ckin cocaine addict. She was very belittling, condescending, and hurtful with this unpleasent reminder. Before we finally seperated by a court order, it had been drilled into my head that I was nothing, at least that's how I was feeling. Keep in mind, while I was a recreational pot smoker, I hadn't done coke for almost 10 years. It's a damn waste that time was flushed down the toilet because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I ran into someone that had some coke and I figured "if she's gonna accuse me of being a coke addict, I might as well use" and did.

As you can imagine, she had me drug tested using hari follicles and lost the shared custody of kids that I had at that point. Of course, she lorded that over me holding me a bay with strict supervised visitation considering me to be a threat to the kids. Granted, some might read and say "there may be a legitimate concern" but I was the parent of these children while marriade to Cruella. She birthed them physically but had no real connection with them.

Cruella, and her narcisitic ways, wanted to be alone and unbothered by the children opting for bathes, books, and naps. She never wished to participate in activities with the kids but instead sent me out with the children while she slept. Of course, my bond with Eeyore and Rue only grew while Cruella didn't seem to give a damn. I was the primary parent and caregiver of the children: bathes, showers, feeding, laundry, etc.

There's more coming.....